Shopping at Wal”nuts” on Thanksgiving Day: Driving with the lights off and the x-box boogie

Hello hello my fellow Thanksgiving friend,
I have a crazy only happen to me story for you , but first.  Real quick we wanted to let you know we will be in Madeira Beach this weekend, you should pop over and enjoy lesiure shopping at it’s best, it will help you walk off your turkey and stuffing. There is no pushing aned shoving and long lines at the show unlike some places we know! We hope to see you, pop in and say hi and grab your splash for the holidays.
The Madeira Beach Thanksgiving Weekend Craft Festival
November 24th & 25th, 2012
Saturday & Sunday 10 AM – 5 PM
Free Admission
 Madeira Way between Gulf Blvd & 150th Ave

Story Time:

Well I had just finished my Thanksgiving Cornish Hen, (much easier than a turkey! And Miriam has a great recipe for Hen in the Crock Pot). So Herschal (my cat, it’s short for Sebastian) we had just eaten, he usually prefers dark meat, but this recipe make the white meat so tender he actually reached over and grabed the meat right out of my bowl. Sneaky. Anyway Miriam calls me and says she is shopping really early in the morning for some goodies, Walmart was the only place open so she went super early. So early she didn’t even stop by our cafe to grab a Cafe con Leche, and for Miriam going anywhere without Cafe con Leche is like driving at night without the headlights on!!! Well she got out before the sales started but I however was not so lucky!

So at 7:30 last night Hershcal decides he needs some soft ccat food, and I realize I need soy milk and cereal so Herschal warmed up the car and I set off for Walmart. Well being a shopper without an “internal shopping navigation device”, I look more like a ball in a pinball machine when I shop and that’s when it’s not crowded!  So I took the trek to Walmart, found a parking spot, and started the mile and ahalf walk back to the store (only slight exaggeration). I should have known what I was in for when I saw the guy with the foodball helmet on, bringin his on shopping cart. He had tweaked it out with those big 4 weel tires with the big yellow shocks underneath, complete with curb feelers and a roll bar. I should have taken that as an omen. But being inexperienced in these situations, I thought it humorious.

So I scurried along with the other customers, with that tense “I gotta hurry up and get in the cafeteria lunch line before they run out of corn dogs”, elementary school days, kinda feeling. And entered the frey. OMG! I never, and probably won’t ever.  I got sucked in the crowd like the riptide at hightide. Swirling and richocheting off x-box grabbers, and dvd snatchers, and kids getting dragged by the hood down aisles of flying flip flops and swirling sippy cups.  I tried to bob and weave like the best NFL players, you know like Micheal Jordan (that can’t be right, but anyway).  I was trying to get to the soymilk section and got hung up in the frozen chicken aisle, so I had to weave thru the poptart aisle telling people I was just looking for soymilk andnot trying to cut in line for the x-box. Dirty looks abound, kinda scary.

I got stuck in the dairy section after I got my soymilk and tried to cut thru the baby section, remember I don’t have a internal shopping guidance system. Ended up crammed in between pampers and strollers, with a husband hiding with his kids, the grocery cart and his Iphone. I, with the help of a friendly Polk county Sherrif, weaved thru the mayhem and got back to the soymilk section. Avoid the fllying sock scavenger hunt and narrowly missing the guy doing the x-box boogie, although I think he elbowed somebody in the eye, accident I’m sure.

So I swam over to the catfood section, only having to body surf for two aisles and to my delight, it was just me,the kitty treats and a guy with a bag of marshmallows, I’m sure he was just confused. So I figure I can check out in the garden center, so I backstroke to the garden area only to discover all the doors are locked!

So feeling like a salmon swimming up stream, I dove back in, changing lanes without a blinker, I got rearended by a short grandma who couldn’t see over her cart, or so she says. I Bobbed and weaved like Mike Tyson trying to play basketball, and low and behold to my sheer delight, I found a line with 2 people in it!!! The ultimate Special one time Only never to be seen again. I popped in line set my basket down and turned around to get batteries for my new excersise bike (putting it together was like a one armed paper hanger, but that’s another story). When I turned around with the batteries, a woman had moved my basket and cut in line!! Heavens to mergatroid, they should sell a manual for these instances.

Well I paid and was swept along the sea of happy shoppers and plopped right out in the middle of the parking lot. I skipped with a song in my heart to my snuggly parked car in the back 40, followed by a stream of cars looking for spots. Got safely in my car, only to realize I forgot the cereal.
So I had crackers and soymilk for breakfast this morning.

Well I hope you have enjoyed my shopping saga, and if nothing else it gave you something entertaining to read while you are standing in line at Wallmart, Macy’s etc.

Well shop safely, and after you remove your helmet, knee pads and cleats, pop over to Madeira Beach for some R & R and come tell us your adventure at the craft show this weekend. 9am-5pm Saturday and Sunday.

See you soon with another tale of misadventure,


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